Saturday, April 24, 2010

WARNING: May Cause Side Effects

You know those commercials for new medications (like the one that's supposed to grow out your eyelashes so you'll magically look like Brooke Shields?) where they show you something that seems too good to be true, and then they ruin it by telling you as quickly as possible all the horrible things that might happen to you if you buy their miracle drug? You will look like be Brooke Shields and be successful and happy and healthy! .... except... you may develop chronic diarrhea, a lisp, kidney stones, a ruptured spleen... you get the point.

Yoga has some great benefits, but it has some unfortunate side effects, too. I've found that those horrible side effects, however, do not come from practicing yoga but from slacking on your practice.

See, I used to practice 5-6 times a week. But when I moved and started a new job last month, it became a lot harder. Now I take a class once a week, and practice at home once or twice... And my body is ANGRY at me about it. Here are the side effects of drastically reducing the frequency of your yoga practice:
  • Clear skin breaks out all over
  • Healthy appetite turns into voracious, uncontrollable cravings for potato chips and chocolate
  • Jaw tenses
  • Teeth clench
  • Head hurts
  • Even teeth hurt
  • Pants become tighter
  • Arms get flabbier
  • Yelling at husband increases
  • Grouchiness ensues
  • Dog starts eating bed
  • Cat continues to poop in the floor
  • Havoc has been wreaked
I'm going to yoga class now—wearing lavender.