Saturday, June 18, 2011

An Ode to Swimsuit Shopping


Shopping for swimwear today I am.
 Oh yes, I am, dear store clerk ma'am.
 But, alas, I do NOT like swim suit shopping plans.

I don't like looking short and small.
I don't like feeling big or tall.
I do not like it--especially at the mall.

I do not like it store clerk ma'am.
I just don't like it. It's not who I am.

This one's too skimpy.
That one looks like a dress.
This one is obviously for a woman with a very large chest.

I do not like it store clerk ma'am.
I just don't like it. It's not who I am.

Would you like it here or there?
Here, try it on over your underwear.

I do not like it store clerk ma'am.
I just don't like it. It's not who I am.

Would you like it for the beach?
Or maybe in the color peach?
Would you like it for a boat?
Or maybe on a floaty float?
 Would you like this one with a tan?
Or maybe for your Uncle Sam?

I do not it like them on a beach.
I do not like the color peach.
I do not like them for a boat.
And certainly not on a floaty float.
I do not want to have a tan.
I do not like it for Uncle Sam.

I do not like it, store clerk ma'am.
These swim suits just aren't who I am.